▲A Mixture of Ideas and Audio Ecstacy▼

Just my opinion

2012-01-14T21:08:00.000-08:00

Why people get mcs?Okay, i do too. But only to get an mc for oversleeping.But for attention of your friends?act as if you're gonna die?

But why do people fake mental illness? To get attention? To seem interesting? To make yourself feel better because you're a coward and you cant face your own problems head on, so making an excuse will make you seem stronger but deep down you know that you're just a pussy? I believe that genuinely insane people wouldn't know they are insane? Like that man i saw shouting at his reflection in the bus. Or the other man who walks around the busstop saluting NS men and then scoffing them right at their faces, or those people from youtube videos who kinda make me laugh though i feel quite bad now.

So don't come with all your, i think i've got OCD, I'm bipolar, i'm suffering from depression, i'm slightly schizo, i act like a child from time to time and what other creative diagnosis you guys manage to pull. No you are not, everyone has a certain level of that chemical imbalance but its normal. And depression? Dude. That would mean i'm fucking depressed half my life too because i cant get things how i want it. Just like you. But I dont go around taking anti-depressants and other weird pills you guys carry around because i know i'm not. I'm just an emotional wreck every now and then and sometimes i wallow in self pity. Just like you. Maybe not as much because my parents always thought me to be strong and to quit being a bloody pariah. That is all there is to it. Nothing more, really. I talk to myself when i'm alone, does that mean i need pills? Dude, i enjoy talking to myself!

You're what? What have you been through? War? Starvation? You got raped? Your uncle touched your ass and pulled out his dick to wank in front of your face? Hahahaha shut up already why dontcha. Even some of my friends' whose parents have passed away don't pull this shit. They are stronger than anyone i know. You are not as complicated as you think you are, you just like the idea of it because you think its cool, the way i see it, you're just weak. Cos if there's anyone insane around here, i'd say its my mom because she thinks Im acting like a kid and i'd like to spar with her one day.

The Reason

2011-12-26T20:55:00.000-08:00

I miss you when something really good happens, because you’re the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you’re the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow, and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.

Invalid

2011-12-18T06:01:00.000-08:00

Much has sparked my polemic behaviour. But I guess this is what Singapore does to you. Too many people conform to the specifics. They bow down to a society filled with hypocrites and down right wannabes who have no sense of individualism and self identity whatsoever. Theres never congruity. Everyone seems to find fault in one another. Its hard to seek out true happiness in the midst of all this chaos and problematic insignificance. Then again, life isn't easy. And I guess its a little narrow minded of me to think so negatively of our dear country. Its life at its most gayest. As much as I detest it, acceptance seems like the only plausible solution...But gee, has the world forgotten?
I guess this is just another one of my insomniac ramblings. No comment required, but I'd advise keeping an open mind. For now, my smile has been restored by Cadbury's Favourites chocolate box. Massively munchable miniatures. Scrum!

Local

2011-12-18T05:55:00.000-08:00

Why are people wired in such a way, that no matter what you say or do, appearance still plays a big part in first impressions. And why is it so hard for people to give others a second chance to redeem themselves. Why do we brush people off by just one look. Why are some adults so persistently judgmental and childish.

Also, why is it that sometimes the people you love most (say your own blood?) bring you the most heartache. And even though it ignites in you some sort of bitterness, you still do anything to please them just so you wont disappoint.

I guess when life gives you lemons... you just shut up and eat your god damn lemons.

On another note:
I know I tend to love ramble quite a bit. But as I was browsing through my iPhone pictures, I came across this particular one which I edited with Photofunia and realised, how I could never stop loving him. Even if the world stopped, or I lost him to someone else, I would still love him regardless.

I know this all sounds overly sentimental, but hey, in reference to my story:

You know someone’s worth keeping when he doesn’t buy you just any old flower.

Suckas

2011-12-15T05:10:00.000-08:00

Ugh, so tired of indifferent bastards.

I feel like a loser, cause there are just some people, that no matter what, I feel won’t see others as people. I hesitate to call them pretentious, because I don’t think they’re looking for attention, but they always have a condescending tone I can never get past. Despite popular belief, i.e. what people see of me when I’m shoved into a social situation, I have extreme social anxiety. That’s why I’m so awkward, clumsy and introverted. I may look like a spastic, hyper weirdo, but on the inside my brain is screaming for a quiet room to sit alone in. It’s not that I don’t like being social, I love it, but if I’m not with extremely familiar company, then yeah, my head wants to explode. So, when I find these people, I really don’t know how to act. It’s even bad on the internet.Not on me but..

Eventually it gets to a point where u don’t want to go on certain sites. The person may constantly be bashing u or other people, and u won’t like feeling bullied. All my life I’ve had to deal with an immensely self-conscious disposition, and I’d rather not become a victim again. But I find these people where ever I go. I find them in the Anon IRC chat, talking shit about the protesters, talking about how everyone is failing. I find them on Tumblr, bashing everyone who flips about the Protect IP act. Well, why don’t they fucking go out there and DO something about the protesters? Help them out maybe? Educate them( or yourselves?) a little on what we’re trying to do? And for Darwin’s sake, stop being a blob of indifference and pessimism. You’re a part of this world too. Are you only going to ‘flip-out’ when the law actually does pass? At least we’re out there giving a shit.

I’m not saying that everyone out there should be a raging activist, because we all know that not everyone has such an intense spirit. And yeah, haters gonna hate, I get it. This is just something that I struggle with. When someone gives a valiant effort to protect everyone in this country, and is spat in the face for it, that’s wrong. When we care about something bigger than us, and are stepped on for it, that’s wrong. I know they’re not all selfish bullies. I just wish they had a little more sensitivity, because not everyone has rhino skin.

Just a thought

2011-12-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

Deep, twisted, troubled, expressive with words to a point of annoyance - interesting individuals (with too much negative energy). To some, the thought of having a messed up mind = beauty or an artistic trait or element. But our minds, our personalities, our thoughts and feelings, our mantras, our forms of expression, our spirituality, WE, are not as complex as we think we are. To break free, to stand out, to be non-conformists, of freedom, of unconventionality. In this we are all the same.

Shining

2011-12-01T08:33:00.000-08:00

Hi guys remember the movie "The Shining"? Yes this is the scene that traumatized the crap out of me, it really flashed like that, just a little slower. I dont usually go to bed mind fucked by a horror movie. But this one made me scared to fall asleep cos i knew i'd dream about it, and its not even a horror movie, its a psychological thriller. Which explains it all. The real movie had colour though.

Medusa

2011-11-22T01:14:00.000-08:00

I remember really enjoying the company of boys, as friends, mind you. But then i realized (recently, actually), that no matter how much better i am at what they do, or how much stronger, wittier, funnier, or fearless i am than them, i'll always be the girl.

Its okay to be a little more masculine at heart, a little more outspoken, a little more fearless and a little less weary of what people think. Its actually a good thing, because you are independent and strong and you wont take anyone's shit even if they paid you. But remember, at the same time, to watch how you present yourself (this is important, girls). You might enjoy being around these guys, but you'll never be one of them. And sometimes the more you try to break that barrier between male and female, the more you give off the wrong vibe about who you are as a person. Unless you really are ungraceful... or cheap.

So remember that you are a girl no matter what you say or do, yes i find extremely feminine girls who are really prim and proper and high-pitched annoying too, but back to my point, remember that you got to keep your femininity and dignity at a certain level so people will continue respecting you the way they should. Because boys will be boys. And girls always get labelled.

Someone like you guys

2011-11-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

I am contented with what i've got, the people i love and the people who love me back. I have mentioned a million times before that I used to search for more because enough was never enough. But now, i've finally realised that you never know what you're looking for when you keep looking. The people who come your way just come, then go.

Instead, look out for the ones who stay. I am contented with the few people i hang with, because when i do, i feel wanted and welcomed. Whats the use of hanging out with a group of people who dislike each other? Or who you can't trust? Or people who make you wonder whether they even sincerely like you in the first place?will they be able to sit around doing nothing all day and hold a conversation with you and never get bored? Will they still call you when you're busy with your own life? Will they still make an effort to know whats going on in your life even if you haven't met up in ages? Will they give you personal space and not think you're calling them only because you're bored, when you randomly call? Will they listen to you tell them the same boring shit everyday? And will they be blunt and tell you the truth even if it means hurting you?

The bunch of people who're close to my heart, though few, makes me feel more complete than i have ever felt before. And i hope nothing changes. My family will always remain, that i'm sure of so there is really nothing much to worry about. But my friends, you know who you are (you better know). I love you, don't ever leave me. Please don't. I'm afraid because i'm feeling so contented right now. I hate it when people leave, especially the ones I love. Please don't leave and please don't forget me.

This love is a sure thing

2011-11-14T20:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt this way in over a year now. The feeling you get when you find out something you don't want to. You literally feel the blood rush to your head and you cant think, you cant breathe, you just want to bash someone up then go to sleep and wish it didn't catch you quite so off guard.

Though i'm not the victim here, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me to know that the person i love is being judged by and for his appearance. Watching him crumble down with his own self esteem hurts me the most. I do whatever I want, I see whatever I see and I love whoever I love, its my fucking life and decision. I'm gonna wake up to that face and skin and body everyday, not you. Why the hell do people even care in the first place? Go care about yourselves and all your shit first why don't you? _|_

I see myself in you, that is why I love you. I was always searching for myself in others but found it in the least expected person. Why do you worry that i'd get bored? Why would anyone ever get bored? I'm never gonna get bored. We're gonna dance to chris brown and Mj in your room until we're 89. No one does a RizMeals better than Riz Meals. No one makes Qashdinaaaa happier than Rizz Meals. And no one does Rizz Meals better than Qashdinaa,hehe i dont know what i'm saying,well i do i just want you to know you really dont have to worry about anything, we've been friends more then a year and now faith brought us together and we're already dougieed our way to our 10month to infinity ,dont worry aight i gotyour back like how you got mine , love you ,xoxo

Worda wordee wordoo

2011-11-10T20:00:00.001-08:00

Hi. I haven't been in the blogging mood lately, no inspiration whatsoever. Life's a bore, what more can I say? I don't wanna keep touching on the same shit in every post. Because they are still bothering me and I don't wanna be a whiner. I'd rather keep my bitchy comments to myself. Or witty, more like it;) We all have opinions okay, don't judge. Half of which i'm terrified to share. Okay no, not terrified, i just wanna avoid any controversy. Cos y'know, haters gon' hate. (I've used this on my blog way too many times, the phrase has actually grown on me and i think its sorta like my new mantra.My life now: I've been busy with school work as of late and i'm sure no one cares to know about my assignments and hardships (I'd rather not even talk about them). But hey, its all over! My last major paper is ending soon on the 14; Science.

Lighten Up .

2011-11-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

Everyone around me seems pretty upset. Cheer up guys! I know life sucks but it gets better. For awhile at least. And then something cocks up in the middle and you're back to square one again. So I suggest that when life's good hold on to the good while you can. I like to see people happy, it makes me happier. When i see people upset, it makes me unhappy too. Or annoys me if you're whiny and you're clearly wallowing in self pity instead of trying to help yourself get out of your shithole. I got myself active on tumblr again and i've been reading alot of depressing stuff. Its like all this negativity is making me negative too. I'm like this emotional sponge, I absorb all the overwhelming emotions around me and i feel for these people and then I get annoyed at them if they go overboard, whether its in a movie, a book, on cyberspace or in real life. But don't get me wrong, i'm not cold and unapproachable, i actually like to listen to my friends whine about life, it makes me feel important.

Mon Cherie

2011-10-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the last post, i swear it has haunted me yet again and i've been secretly flinching every time the light reflects on the side of the lense of my cheap-ass glasses.

On a totally different note, I am freaking jealous of my friends who get to travel. I've only ever been to 2 countries my entire life, Australia and Malaysia. Seriously, Perth when i was 5 (seriously?!) and once to Melacca, KL and Penang. The first time i stepped foot to our neighbouring country, i was freakin' 17 going on 18. I kid you not. I am deprived of the pleasures of life man. I only ever get to see the world from a freaking screen. And my reasons to that are as follows: 1) My mums is boring. 2) There are 4 of us in the family, and we are not rich. 3) We don't strike 4D very often we dont really Do 4d its a myth ahaha. And 4) My mum is too damn strict/protective (I don't even know which one she's more of), they wouldn't allow me to stayover at my friends' house well only the CHOSEN ones anyways or, let alone leave this country with anyone but family.

So yes, don't blame me for wanting to stab everyone who has ever been out of this country with their boyfriend/girlfriend (no bitterness towards you guys, i'm just expressing the extent of my jealousy and what more brutal than a stabbing?), i'd kill to take some time off from this god forsaken place and heat, and travel to (i dont even mind it being Malaysia cos dude, its truly Asia) just to spend some time alone with my boyfriend - Get lost together, try new food, shop till we gotta walk back to our hotel, lie in the middle of the road and makeout in an ongoing riot, get wasted/high, puke on the carpet, make love until thy kingdom comes (with the curtains open only because its not our bloody country), and cry at the sight of overwhelming beauty, whatever it may be hot exaggerated ive said it,im sentimental like that.

Trippin'

2011-10-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

After having my phone spoil by some random douche which still remains unknown, I can easily say I’ve been really depressed. Not so much over the phone, as other factors have since contributed as well, but more so at myself. Self-loathing has befriended me at my darkest hours, and as much as I hate being around depressing people, I hate to say it, but I’m no different. Went to watch a movie in the hopes that footloose would soothe the bitterness.

Came home with more drama. with Foster The People on replay. I just can’t wait for my life to start. But if this is it, I’m screwed.

In the words of Anthony Kiedis, I do believe I’m now creating a vacuum of shit.

The big Os

2011-10-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

Life feels pretty good right now. But then again, could just be my irrepressible excitement for finishing my Olevels in a few days
The adrenaline is rushing and i feel ,truthfully,no difference.It is still not there,there is a kickstart on studying but no hype of this examination,its suppose to be an important one but yet i feel so relaxed.My nonchalant manner is infuriating me, like come on Qash wake up ! And to add to my laid backness,im going out in a bit to eat XD yeah awesome. Its like a malevolent inclination to destroy my own happiness of success ,is what it seems, but i doubt so cause it just shows i'm good at managing my stress ,xoxo

A little overdue

2011-10-23T00:05:00.000-07:00

I’ve been feeling a little, I don’t know. Cheerless? Blue? Forlorn? Sad? Purely out of my element. A lot’s been going through my head lately and I feel as if I’m trapped with nothing but endless thoughts and emotions. Never a moment of release or sanctuary. Just nothing but solitude and never ending waves of torment that rush through me. I was doing so well for a while, but I guess, all good must come to an end at some point. I spend so much time trying to fix myself. Trying not to get in people’s way. Trying to… make something better. Trying to prove…whatever I’m supposedly worth. But really, I’m just not sure anymore. I think I just feel a little lost, aimless, ignored. I need someone to listen. So, why won’t you hear me?

Trying.

2011-08-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

I’ve been feeling exceptionally lethargic these past few days. Just trudging on with minimal spirit and one too many frowns. Makes me kinda miss siglap secondary school a little bit anyways ramadhan is here and is where all I’d have to worry about was homework,studying and the soothing thought of deep fried food. .

But I guess, the difference that today has brought has exceeded all expectations. And that makes me grateful. My favourite moment for the week was knowing that i need to be selfish, i mean do what makes me be better ,and for my future ,i'm taking this in perspective,cause juggling work ,school and study might pull my chance on getting to my dream course down. Anyways i know it's been awhile i post something it's just that I've been so busy with all of this that i couldn't find a moment to sit back and relax and just let all my thoughts out but now's my chance.
This my last year , even though ive been in this school for 1year and few months,i'm still gonna miss the people that made me laugh,smile , comfort me etc through this times, and I'm know sure enough i'm gonna miss every little memory of all of you.And to my Ex siglap schoolmates i still miss all of you, Please dont forget me :l go out sometimes or on Raya a must! hheheh,well i gotta go, back to my busy regime ,
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

All this crying ismaking me hard to breath

2011-07-09T00:05:00.001-07:00

toothpaste kisses

2011-07-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

Some moments remain uncaptured. Forever dwelling within the confines of our very mind. Photographic evidence doesn’t cut it anymore. I should know.What currently prevails has made me happy, sane, content, loved. Real love does not suffice through romanticism anymore. It’s what inside that counts. Its whose truly there that matters. And because of this self-realization, I’ve learnt that what is now, beats every memory, every photo, every love, every bittersweet joy that has ever come my way. If love was merely a figment of my imagination, I’d rather keep on dreaming then to return back to reality. Because here, in your arms, is where I belong.

Forever yours i'll be

2011-06-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

You can make a bad day instantly better , Just by being there with you.You make me laugh even when Ive felt like crap all day.You bring out a smile in me no one else can.Your voice makes me want to just listen, for hours.Your eyes electrify me. Your touch awakens me. You're good-looking,smart,funny and the nicest person I've ever met .And I really really really like us to stay like this ♥

My baby

2011-06-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

I met someone years ago and have been hooked on him like a drug ever since.he’s so perfect,its hard to believe.he's a huge part of my life and who i am today.sometimes i hate him and sometimes i wonder how i can physically contain the amount of love i have for him.i’ve cried many tears and spent many hours thinking of him and no matter what im doing hes always on my mind.his deep,brown eyes which i could get lost in and his ridiculously cute face which i cant help but smile back at are just two of the thousands of things i love about him.

his face is just pure bliss,and i find myself incredibly lucky to even be in his presence.

he's just so wonderful inside and out.

i call him mine but sometimes ..anyways last time,i'll say i dont even like him to people when they mention him because im terrified of peoples reactions,they wont understand

i just appriciate all the wonderful things about him…like the way he talks,walks,runs,laughs

his voice is like music to my ears and i cant put into words what he means to me,i know they’ll never be a girl who loves him like i do,its impossible.

i love him unconditionally and always have and wont be surprised if i always will but im so grateful hes been a part of my life even though he's totally unaware of it sometimes

loves just not a big enough word.

Past Midnight

2011-06-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

I cant sleep, the worst part i can't text R , OMG PLEASE GET A PHONE, SOMEONE REALLY NEED YOU ,WELL SOMEONE NEEDS TO LET YOU KNOW SHE FUCKING MISS YOU ! SO PLEASE .If that isnt clear enough i'm gonna smack you real hard in your head next time (: bcrgbehjnhbgfdsxfgvbhjnkmjhgfdsfcgvbhjnmkl,dfgfghjkl.kbye mwaaaaaaaaaah xxoxooxxoxoxoxo

“I want to live where soul meets body.”

2011-06-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah i know , why this one?! I couldn't choose okay ,so i just close my eyes and pick this one out of all the rest. I like talking with him for hours , every time we did talk i feel like we're connecting ,and i dont know. the kind of feeling you get when you feel so committed? yeah i dont know,what i know is i love talking to him , i mean i dont really talk like how i did with him ,maybe to suhaidah but like not like that.Get it? No? too bad.Cause the feeling is way better than eating ice creameven if you have taste it for a long time ,ANYWAYS yeah, We get to talk things through about well about all kinds of stuff. This just makes me feel like i dont ever wanna lose him to anyone else , yeah i'll just pray for the best for us and see how it goes, no high expectations just enjoying everyday with what we have now , It's hard to picture myself in this kinda of things but .. Look at me now, yeah I was the type who reads people's blog and say pshh that shit is bullshit ,and just say more despicable things about their fantasy or whatever. But i dont know what happen to that side of me, it's like i got proven wrong or something ,but i like the feeling i dont want it to ever end i dont want to feel like what i did before.. And if you're just like me and thinking how i did think once before than i just have to say you're missing out on fucking awesome shit, i mean the feeling of knowing that someone is always gonna stand by your side through your worse or good.someone whos always makes you feel happy even when you had the worst day , someone who will be there when u feel the ounce of pathetic in yourself ,someone who loves you the way you love them.Someone who will be your all even when they feel they're not good enough . Someone you can call your bestfriend,or even better than that. Yeah thats how i feel partly, yeah if i go on i may never sleep for the rest of my life,RIGHT ,but still. I just want this feeling to be immortal. And if you're reading this,i just want to say that i'm without a doubt , intoxicated with happiness whenever im with you ,Dont ever think that i deserve someone better or you not being good enough ,Cause i swear i promise you that you have done better than better and i'm so glad to have you in my messed up life ,and that i've gave us a chance ,cause this is beyond what i've expected and i'm loving everything that we're going through.I feel like i'm bullshitting now ,but what i feel is real ,i mean all of this is real. Promise me this will never end , Cause it's too no is fucking ,way fucking too good to end. EVER. I just dont want you to get tired of seeing me or spending time with me, or even talk to me.. Yeah from what i know, you're not that type of guy right? ,so i hope we will never get sick of each other ^^ and won't find anyone else that make us feel this way.cause if you do, Im going with chris brown =P heheh

June sucks

2011-06-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

With the inability to meet u with some familiar faces thanks to external regimes’, I’ve been left with little to do. Hence, my day has since been an absolute fail. Done nothing but catch up on much needed sleep, thanks to the sore eyes . It’s now 10pm.and i dead bored, he didnt went on andim fucking losing it ,kay maybe cause i just realise how alone and bored ive been but what can i say i just hate to be unentertained.And facebook is just a sad excuse to be entertain.Screw everything.

In other news? I’ve been craving Sentosa. Sucks how my weeldays is all sacrifice on school ,and prep work, leaving nothing but standbys and ‘house arrest’ for the weekends. Hopefully, my Thursday afternoon will be a success and well, wouldn’t kill for the sun to be a little kinder. Today’s afternoon weather, was EXCRUCIATING.

I want you,nothing else,Just you.

2011-05-27T06:04:00.000-07:00

I dont know why out of all his picture i just had to put this one,He just look super fucking cute in this one i guess?hehh I don't really know what to blog about, i'm like the happiest person today, He had this "moment" while chatting with me ,and he said the most sweetest thing that no other guy had actually said , i mean i know to you guys it's like ,pshh c'mon he just saying .but i dont think so,*snaps finger in Z formation* I'm just glad things work out between us afterall those yeah whatever,anyways ,the things that went through my head was,maybe you are the one for me,i know so mushy and what not,but i don'tknow this is really something worth the"we'll wait and see" and whenevr i'm with him everything seems like i mean it feels right ,like i really just blur everything out and it's just me him and the place where we're at,its nice to know that someone finally have the same real feelings for you.you are the only thing im sure of now, just hope everything will be great.

HEHHEHEH

2011-05-24T03:42:00.000-07:00

New shoesssss loving it

Musiq - Dontchange

2011-05-24T03:24:00.000-07:00

Love you

Love

2011-05-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

you matter.

2011-05-07T05:36:00.000-07:00

It's happening again. Tired of your mind going a million miles a minute.All that really appeals to you is cowering under covers and sleeping off all your relentless,pointless efforts in trying to make everything better,you are disillusioned.Maybe you know that you can change things around,but you question you want to or not.Because being sad has some kind of comfort to you-because there's always that familiarity.No matter how long your sadness has been prolonged,it's known that you revisit it,the same thoughts,feelings and actions take place,you visit the same place where you left off.

But whenever i'm with him,i feel like i can seize the day,do whatever it is i feel like doing and have fun ,be free of those thoughts ,without him trying ,he already doing so much for me,i just want him to know that,that he's a great person.For once in my life i feel like i just want to be happy and live my life with someone who feels the same,who knows what i'm going through ,someone who tries to entice me that i should put my problems aside and start living even that is from a song,heh,i just hope one day he will take that advice himself, cause he's a great ,caring,responsible,humble,ingenious,fearful,altruistic,loving and someone i want to spend my time with,the one i can trust,i really want to trust him and i am slowly ,i just hope he means well.I just don't like to have my hopes and trust crumbling down and punch me in the heart ,not anymore please,i'm through going through the life" lesson" or whatever shit you might call it i just dont want anyone to ruin what we have ,i dont want us to change the way we feel about each other,ever.please don't be in love with someone else.You just take my breath away with everything you say.This is just going through my min for now ,i miss you badly and i wonder if this is how it feels like if we were to... But i doubt we'll ever come to that conclusion *fingers cross*

XOXO

2011-05-07T02:22:00.000-07:00

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

Walking hand in hand since the month of December ‘2010

2011-05-07T00:30:00.001-07:00

The bonds of two unstable minds turns each other minds stable when they meet.

When problems arise, I like to use the time and space given to reflect. Then again, who says reflecting’s a must when it only leads us to nothing but pity and self loathing. I’ve been hit by some strange winds as of late. Since Friday Night to be precise. Caught in a weird funk. Agitated at everything that surrounds. I’ve been trying to avoid such distractions through my new reads such as Fear and Loathing but no positive outcomes have sufficed.

Luckily, not ALL hope was lost. Decided to remember the things we did ,while The sounds of Nirvana unplugged, , has lifted my spirits a tad bit. Clearly being left empty of mind beats the scatter.P.s:I loveyou

On Friday,

For the first time in School, they actually want us out of there by 1pm due to the preparation for the general election.Anyways ,came back ,washed up and get ready to go out (finally) truthfully i was excited ,i mean finally i can go out with him ,as in really go out.so got in the bus, And as always we're just two indecisive people, we end up going to my old workplace ,i call it hell kids call it heaven, Toys r Us.But i had fun, not cause im at my workplace but it just reminds me of the times when we were friends ,and have this secret crushes with each other, i miss being bumble bee and buzz lightyear XP.Then we just hang around town screaming singing ballerinarizing acting like total whack ass niggas.Despite the fact that our day end with you know what overall i wasnt even upset or even mad.i sat down enjoying deuces-Chris B thinking about my Friday with you. I really hope we'll have this random hangout again ,i never like plan out outings .Plan out outings=expectation of fun. Well not always but sometimes ,but really plan or not i'll always have a laugh whenever I'm with,i'm glad i gave you a chance.I mean accepted you and didnt think otherwise,now i'm stuck to you like glue ,and i'm loving every single moment with you corny right ,yeah you make me like this ,thats why you're awesome ,i love you .

Woke up at 8am today,i slept well ,kinda i mean, i know that he dont really have a choice but i cant help but to feel pissed. I mean pissed in a "im gonna miss you kinda way pissed".I never like vacation , i mean when either one of us is stuck in Singapore.Basically i can't get any texts calls from him nor can i see him.But i was glad i met him the day before,truckloads of fun and insanity.I love his morning text about friday ,he made me feel so "like im the only one girl in the world"*playing* Okay i dont know how the song goes but yeah .Heh ,I'm already missing him like sofucking much ,but yeah a few days wont hurt ,i can go through this ,and if you're reading this at any point of time just wanna let you know that I'M HAVING FUN WITH CHRIS BROWN ".. NOT .hehehe ,ergh i miss you,Another Saturday at home ,just make the best of it , xoxox.

LABELS

2011-05-06T23:28:00.000-07:00

I miss all of them

Miss going out with her,well

My dropdead is finally here

2011-05-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

Heheheh i'm so ieruhungsbkv its finally fucking herrrrreeeee !
All the way from Engerland

Happy birthday baby iloveyou chrisbrown

2011-05-05T03:36:00.000-07:00

school hours

2011-05-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

Basically im in class doing revison for tomorrowl's paper,the fact that im using my phone makes it easier for me to blog, the convinience of knowing the school's internet code. well in a few more hours ill be out from this blackhole-.- i can't stand another day ,i swear i kinda like exam period i mean who doesnt right you get to go home early . i gotta study for maths seriously ,after getting the paper for maths revision i just stone . ergh. ill just.okay awkward Caleb was reading this ,ahahah anyways as i was saying. yeah you know what im saying,okay gonna pack up now meeting rizzzzmann:] hehehhe

My sweet Entice

2011-05-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself and you're set

I'm on the right track baby

I was born this way

We always have choices about life. It is important to trust our deep intuition more than our knowledge of information. We have the power to decide on life. It is important to trust our inner aesthetics. Then doing will become being, being will become doing, we become ourselves,I’d like to think that I’m a strong person who can still laugh despite having gone through some pretty bad experiences, who can put it all behind me and move on, who makes everything seem like it’s okay. But in reality when no ones around I’m a completely different person. I spend those lonely hours in tears because I’ve held it in for way too long and simply do not wish to show weakness in front of everyone

I think it’s really stupid holding grudges.I know sometimes i may be guilty of this, but when you look back on it, you realise how pathetic it was. You realise that you spent all that energy hating someone probably over some stupid thing.I choose not to hold grudges anymore because what if you want to say sorry to a person and they’re not there anymore? What if it’s too late to fix things ? Holding a grudge just brings negativity and really brings your mood down. Life is too short to hold grudges :)

I Don't give a Fuck ,

2011-04-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Let me get one thing straight - I don’t expect anyone to ever bother reading this. I assume that, by some random chance, if somebody finds this page, that the details of my life are not quite enthralling enough to reel in those of you that are interested in love and life of a Seventeen.

I’m writing this for me, in the hope that maybe it will help me to get to a place that I want to be.

I think that it’s fitting that I write this now, at nearly 12.19am on a Saturday morning

You’ve heard of things like “The Game”, pick-up artistry, Cocky and Funny. The kind of stuff Barney Stinson revels in. As a guy who believes that love should work out like some kind of Julia Roberts movie, that stuff has never appealed to me. I don’t believe in having to change who you are or use “set plays” to try and convince a girl to be with you. Whatever happened to that feeling of two people falling for each other? Love is meant to be organic and wonderful, it should mean something and be more than some carefully devised plot that some dude dreamed up one day so that he could get laid more often. I don’t want to change the way I feel about love. But, I do want to change something about the way I do things. I want to lose the fear and the insecurity, I want to take action in my life instead of hoping that luck or fate will happily transport me to where I want to be.

So, without compromising who I am or how I feel, I’m going to take my life in a different direction to where it’s heading now and start to incorporate some of these ‘ideas’ or tenets into my life, in the hope that maybe I can learn to be less insecure, gain more confidence. And I’m going to write about it, so I can clearly see what, if I’m lucky enough to achieve so, I’m learning and not to forget what I’m doing this for and who I am. I’m tired of being scared of living - the biggest fear I have is realising too late that all the time I spent being scared of living meant that I never really lived at all.

So here we are. If anyone’s made it this far through the post, then I’d love for you to follow and keep reading to see where things take me. Or not, that’s cool. Here’s to learning something on this journey.

Trust me, it’s not easy to be me AND to be in this situation. It’s really not,I'm glad to have you ,i know im sucha pain in the ass most of the time ,but i really don't mean what i say most of the time(unnecessary repeats),when we're arguing about completely nonsensical things .I JUst like to ramble stuff when i'm angry i know i have to stop that a.s.a.p

I’m a strong person and I’ll do my best to understand what we have to go through,i'm not gonna leave you,until the very end. No one is going to ruin this relationship. NO ONE and NOTHING can tear us apart.

NOTHING(is that big enough for you?!)

RIZMAN

2011-04-30T09:10:00.001-07:00

That one guy.

2011-04-24T06:31:00.000-07:00

Someone I can call my bestfriend.

Comforts me when I`m upset.

Holds my hand and makes sure everything will be alright.

Surprises me with tight hugs.

Makes me laugh at things that aren`t funny.

By just seeing him, I start to get the most incredible feeling in my stomach.

When I`m with him, he makes everything worth it.

Being with him is the most amazing feeling in the world.

And I feel like I`m the luckiest person in the world to have him beside me

Tumblr

2011-04-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

“Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I say fall head over heels, find someone you can love crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love- well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.”
— Meet Joe Black (via atomos)

GRENADE IS STUPID

2011-04-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

Chris Medina - What Are Words

2011-04-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

I always get goosebumps everytimeihear this song

MORRRNNEEEENNNG

2011-04-15T18:36:00.000-07:00

Yasin's post really make my morning slightly better :)
Rizman 'SwitcH' first saw his girlfriend in the MRT. The next day, he excitedly went like this "Sin, siala yesterday i saw this girl at clementi station. Damn hot sia! Very fair somemore. Then she was wearing siglap uniform!". He then took note of the regular timings she board the train so that he cn see her every morning. Now, they're together :)

.If I played you like a toy,sometimes I wish I did act like boy

2011-04-15T04:53:00.001-07:00

We can do it baby simple and plain, cuz this love is a sure thing ♥

2011-04-12T06:34:00.000-07:00

Truth is, I get jealous easily because what's mine is mine.

2011-04-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.

♥R

2011-04-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends. It’s when you have more playful moments than serious moments. It’s when you can joke around, let each other have piggy backs, have unexpected hugs and random kisses. It’s when you two give each other that specific stare and just smile. It’s when you’ll rather stay in to watch movies, eat junk food and cuddle, than go out all the time. It’s when you’ll stay up all night just to settle your arguments and problems. It’s when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are..The comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away

Space.com

2011-04-11T04:21:00.000-07:00

I dont know what wrong with me :l

What is it with boys and their subconcious need to hurt us? Could the male species really be as heartless, dense and clueless as everyone stereotypically claims? It would be biased of me to state that us girls are fine and boys are the problem, which would be unbecoming of me as it would make this entire blog entry run on biased, unfair and disproportionate opinion.

But honestly, what is it that boys don’t get about us girls? Are we that hard to comprehend? Are we too rigidly structured? Too opinionated? Too vapid? What? What is it us girls do that you boys classify as “incomprehensive”? I mean, don’t get me wrong. My entire argument is based on general, daily observations. From experience, boys seem to think girls are the problem. That they have ridiculous wants and needs. That they posess desires that contrast theirs. And probably think in their minds that they're broken. Beyond repair. To me, I don’t find myself that complicated. I don’t think most girls are. All we thrive on is love, care and attention. All we really want, is someone who can meet our personal requirements, who laughs at our jokes even when they aren’t that funny and keeps to their word.

I’m not saying that all boys are lucid to the typical female. Despite trying so hard, I still feel just as empty, just as ignored, just as forgotten as I was before.

I’m sorry, its 725 pm and my furious typing has been purely fueled by nothing but hate and frustration. Good night.

Limitations

2011-04-07T06:35:00.001-07:00

I know you wanna stay friends,but seriously your I miss you's is driving me insane .

Im troubled.

2011-04-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

Who wrote this , i really need you

2011-04-04T07:26:00.000-07:00

Facade

2011-04-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

(a quote we should live by:)

PEOPLE HAVE SCARS. IN ALL SORTS OF UNEXPECTED PLACES. LIKE SECRET ROADMAPS OF THEIR PERSONAL HISTORIES. DIAGRAMS OF ALL THEIR OLD WOUNDS. MOST OF OUR WOUNDS HEAL, LEAVING NOTHING BEHIND BUT A SCAR. BUT SOME OF THEM DON'T. SOME WOUNDS WE CARRY WITH US EVERYWHERE AND THOUGH THE CUT'S LONG GONE, THE PAIN STILL LINGERS.

Once I reached home, I instantly crashed on my bed, with nothing but all the memories that retained. Maybe the thought of it was a mistake, ,i thought it was out of my head for good but no,it sticks around at the back ,deep deep in the back of my mind, when that happens everything's back to the same old times, where i used to cry myself to sleep with that weird feeling of hatred and miss. i hate how his absence can haunt me at the most weird timing ,when i feel really sane ,bam! there he is tormenting my thoughts then tears would flow incessantly whenever I’d feel the slightest ounce of pain or discomfort. Initially, it was unbearable. But as the regularity of my downfalls increased, it soon turned to numbness. Part of it occurred late last year. But as much i tried to fight that feeling it always defeat me.Yeah to pull you in this messed up thought i created was a bad idea.and i'm sorry. Yeah i guess its back to phase one, back to the facade i've been putting aside.I guess i have to wear it now. No one can pull out of this ,only me. So i have to help myself get over this ,this has to stop,i cant go on with this everytime my birthday pass or even when i just feel who im better off with.

But as of right now, my impulse speaks otherwise. With objects, they depreciate in value. With food, its consumed and gone. With life, time. No matter how hard we wish for the best of life to refrain from discontinuing, it does. There isn’t such a thing as ‘smooth sailing’, never was. And truthfully speaking? I don’t know why I haven’t gotten accustomed to disappointments and tears. I guess there was just a point in my life where I was complete. And now , I’m left feeling just as heavy hearted and lifeless as before. I know others have it worst than me,but to face reality ,its my emotion whose belittled by my dad. Not theirs ,i mean we're the one whose facing all of this now ,and feeling so fucked up by it. So worst or not. Its still something that you cant wipe away . I guess letting it out throught my blog isn't enough :/ but well its better o keep it in than to feel like wishing i was never in their lives. Awesome 2011,nothing change.

Chris Brown Dancing With Young Girl on Stage During Thanksgiving Carniva...

2011-04-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

Dammmn ,he's like some sex goddess XD
Chrisssssss broooowwwnnnnn

It was enchanting to meet you

2011-04-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

My days have never been brighter because you fill them with much laughter. My heart has never been warmer because you care for me and our future. My life has never been happier because you turn everything sweeter. My feelings have never been stronger because you make me love you like no other.. :)

Jar Of hearts - Christina Perri

2011-03-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

Im in love with this song

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/christina_perri/jar_of_hearts.html ]
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/christina_perri/#share

II

2011-03-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

Contagious

2011-03-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin? How can I explain... Word vomit slowly forming, slowly rising. Its there, but I just can't find the words. Not immediately at least... Unable to pen down my thoughts and broaden my perspective. I'm not much of a romantic, I never found mushy talk to be my thing purely because, I find it ditzy and stupid. Especially when the words don't embody a hidden artistic form of expression towards ones undying love (Shit, I am a "hopeless"). But despite the narcissism, love has flourished, and I feel happy. A gooey, warm kind of happy. The kind of happy that makes you want to scream, shout and paint the town red with nothing but love and affection. And maybe the hand out of a few peace signs. Just saying.

At times like these I wish I could see you. Seeing your face always brings me joy. A rush of imagery. A rush of inspiration. Its like a brainfreeze, minus the cringe. Like a huge rush of lavender, or lychee and black tea on a warm summer's day. Like the scent of coffee and rose incense against the backdrop of an evergreen garden (I have a thing for scents and trees). Heart warming, calming, soothing. Zen. Its so beautiful. Its almost hard to believe that such wonder and beauty can still exist amidst all the chaos in this world.

Our era. A time and place where our heartbeats merge and our stomachs are constantly disturbed by millions of butterflies. They flutter all over, creating an awkward, but extremely satisfying wave of emotions. It spreads a smile on my face, and in an instant, I'm whole. Nothing can shift my thinking. Nothing can top these very moments. No matter where you may be, I'll ignore the distance.
I've felt distance with you before. Bali specifically. 3 weeks but this time a week of no tickle torment, no you, to bully around. It was hard. !But each and every perfect moment, reminded me of you. Soon, there you were. Right next to me on that deserted beach. Your hand in mine listening to Chris Brown(i know you like him secretly). The imagery didn't last long of course. After all, you were only temporarily generated by my imagination. But it proved, that despite the distance, my heart was still with you. Your texts kept me sane, and so did your phone calls. I missed you so much. And you,coming back, seeing your text this morning just topped everything.

Movie for comfort

2011-03-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

The night turned out well. I missed lazing about, getting slugg on the bed, had some hot milo, and enjoyed a very cocky, gory, somewhat comedic movie known as Black Swan. Apart from the ballet moves, the animation was superb. So was Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis

, even if they were some weird creature with raging hormones.And the next movie starring Natalie portman .no strings attached,storyline:to have casual sex without falling in love ,very cute movie,i mean despite me drooling over AshtonFuckingKutcher ,heh the movie was very sweet,romantic,anger-ish and funny all junked into one box.So tonight i'llwatch despicable me (finally),Due date and The Next three days .Hopefully i wont fall asleep, I'm gonna bathe now

What do you want to hear?

2011-03-16T19:37:00.000-07:00

Despite a rather somnolent start to my morning routine,I intend to do my art at this morning , trying my best to muster even the slightest skip in my step. The day started off with the usual mundane ritual. i sat within the comforts of hot tea and my art materials. I know I seem to be the outcast against this professionalism of the other two but then again, my art doesn’t really apply most of the time. But guess what i'm using my laptop,intention failed.I cant stop thinking about him,i dreamt of him again.Yeah thatsthe whole point of that quote up there,even on formspring people kept asking me nonsensical question,im not psyhcic so we'll all see what's going to happen.Well i'm done giving myself heart pain thinnking about all this bullshit by some liberal people,well i'm out :l

Nine Fort One

2011-03-16T06:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts these past few days to those of you who actually bother to keep updated with mouldyypeaches. Apart frommy awesome trip to kualalumpur,i feel like an anxiety attack stranglingme wiht its bear hands.Once i landed ,i knew that he won't be around ,A nostalgic overload has taken hold of me. But I find comfort in the imagery, find comfort in its rememberance. I remember. I do. Time faded within the ticks and tocks, but brillance in the memory could never be replaced. Never be forgotten. Could never fade through time.

I miss you

A lazy Wednesdat is slowly creeping in and unfortunately, my sleep was rudely disturbed by my Mum asking me to lock up. I hate waking up unwillingly. I hate being startled by loud noises. And I especially detest people’s ignorance towards the importance of my beauty sleep.heh.

Honey you’re my favourite

I wonder do you feel the same

honey you’re delicious

I wonder do I taste the same

I’m an old romantic

sitting here clutching my bleeding heart

if I’m not good enough

then I’ve had enough let’s make this fast

who cares I’ll find my fish.

I’m colourful

LIGHTS "River" LIVE Acoustic for Billboard!

2011-03-02T22:35:00.000-08:00

Comforts me when i feel shitty<3

SAUDADE

2011-03-02T22:19:00.000-08:00

“Oh, reckless abandon

Like no one’s watching you.”

describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return.

Saudade has been described as a “vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist … a turning towards the past or towards the future”. A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing. It may also be translated as a deep longing or yearning for something which does not exist or is unattainable.

Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” or “the love that stays” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone ( e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends) or something (e.g., places, pets, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. In Portuguese, ‘tenho saudades tuas’, translated as ‘I have saudades for you’ means ‘I miss you’, but carries a much stronger tone. In fact, one can have ‘saudades’ of someone with which one is, but have some feeling of loss towards the past or the future.

Empty space.

2011-02-20T04:19:00.000-08:00

it feels like you are avoiding me.

if you think its time for me to let go.

please do tell me,

Contemplation of holding on or giving up brings me into sensory overload. I am pressured and manipulated by my weaknesses. Falling back into old habits, turning to numbing reactions and feverish heartbreak. I can’t seem to fight my heart’s desires, nor can I reject whats already there.

Where do I begin? How can I explain... Word vomit slowly forming, slowly rising. Its there, but I just can't find the words. Not immediately at least... Unable to pen down my thoughts and broaden my perspective. I'm not much of a romantic, I never found mushy talk to be my thing purely because, I find it ditzy and stupid. Especially when the words don't embody a hidden artistic form of expression towards ones undying love (Shit, I am a "hopeless"). But despite the narcissism, love has flourished, and I feel happy. A gooey, warm kind of happy. The kind of happy that makes you want to scream, shout and paint the town red with nothing but love and affection. And maybe the hand out of a few peace signs. Just saying.

At times like these I wish I could see you. Seeing your face always brings me joy. A rush of imagery. A rush of inspiration. Its like a brainfreeze, minus the cringe. Like a huge rush of lavender, and black tea on a warm summer's day. Like the scent of coffee and rose incense against the backdrop of an evergreen garden (I have a thing for scents and trees). Heart warming, calming, soothing. Zen. Its so beautiful. Its almost hard to believe that such wonder and beauty can still exist amidst all the chaos in this world.

You Kick my hΞ∆r†Ξ in thΞ ∆ϟϟ

2011-02-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

why do you make me feel this way? it’s not fair. it’s only been a a month a 2weeks and I’m completely enamored. are you magic or am I just naive? I feel so vulnerable around you. when I see you my heart skips and I can’t breathe and I get a lurching feeling in my stomach. I haven’t felt that in so long; I haven’t felt anything in so long. you’re a breath of fresh air and it’s exciting. you’re a master puppeteer controlling me like that. my emotions are jumbled and I can’t think straight. I have no energy anymore. I didn’t have much to begin with but you sucked out the rest. can’t you just stop ? Im irrevocably in love with you∆

you kick my heart in the ass

.

2011-02-09T02:16:00.000-08:00

This is a personal blog, meaning I'll post whatever tickles my fancy.

Chuck Klusterman

2011-01-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with a drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink.

What is reality?
“Maybe the answer to ‘What is reality’ is this: Reality is both reflexive and inflexible. It’s not that we all create our own reality, because we don’t; it’s not that there is no hard reality, because there is. We can’t alter reality - but reality can’t exist unless we know it’s there. It depends on us as much as we depend on it.
We’re all in this together people.”

-Chuck Klosterman

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real - but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
Chuck Klosterman; Killing Yourself to Live; Page 232

Grilled albacore tuna with lemon.

2011-01-25T02:34:00.000-08:00

My attempt on overlooking ,failed.
I hate days like this, the ones that make you wonder why .If I sound as if I’m always predicting ominous things, it’s because I’m a pragmatist. I use deductive reasoning to generalise, and I suppose this sometimes ends up sounding like unlucky prophecies. You know why? Because reality’s just the accumulation of ominous prophecies come to life. Ergh i'm here with my laptop staring at my blog,watching Wheel of fortune.Fuck this shit,i need something better than this,he's out for god knows when well i just have to wait patiently and ,no space for wishful thinking..Other than that,i really wonder if i was the cause of his emotic status cause i really feel bad.I honestly miss him as friend of course,but it seems like he doesnt want to be bothered,guess we're back at being strangers.Life's truly unfair when it comes with all this thingy .Sometimes i wonder why i put myself in that position in the first place,Well another sleepless night for me,like as if anyone give a shit,argh i want to be invisible,i'm better of that way.

I Stepped On A Cornflake, Now I'm A Cereal Killer

2011-01-22T19:34:00.000-08:00

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?

Born Ruffians

2011-01-22T18:10:00.000-08:00

Nothing beats dirtbike saturday,but i had boatloads of fun yestrday with them.

Last Afternoon maneuver :

Who said the best way to spend your saturday would be through famous amos and MacD? Random discoveries at MacD never ceast to amaze me. No I’m not referring to the amount of quantity i manage to eat, but more specifically, randomly declared shemales.
Yeah the item of the day,i can never forget about that,and thank god it didnt give me nightmares,Zahryn,why?! Me and Ade went omg omg OMG,and Wtf,all the way through orchard. Now the guys are slightly subconcious. Apart from that,it was such a coincidence when el tag along. It was crazy , i guess thats what you get. Bitching and camwhoring .
and followed by this epic game el thought us, *where snake barks* Joke of the day :D

If a mute person burps, does it make a sound?

2011-01-21T22:14:00.000-08:00

Resolution smahvolution

2011-01-20T04:14:00.000-08:00

Resolutions?
Today as I was sitting through Ss class close to shut eye, I decided it’s about time I come up with my New Year’s resolutions. The past few years have been based along the same old lines of “doing better in life”, “patience(?)”, “get good grades” and other sugar coated cliches.

This time, all that came to mind were things like:

Sky dive
Kiss the Eiffel Tower
Love more, hate less
Get a camera(which i did)
SaveSaveSave!

Then it occurred to me. Past efforts in jotting down silly resolutions never worked out as planned anyway. Hence my decision to stop planning and simply start LIVING. As much as I enjoy the occasional list to refer back to whenever deemed necessary, I’ve decided to eliminate all plans, lists, to-dos and simply live! The more unpredictable, the better.

2011, here I come!

Warpaint - Stars

2011-01-20T04:11:00.000-08:00

"I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it."
Instead of things I’m good at, it might be faster to list the things I can’t do. I can’t cook or clean the house. My room’s a mess, and I’m always losing things. I love music, but I can’t sing a note. I’m clumsy and can barely sew a stitch. My sense of direction is the pits, and I can’t tell left from right half the time. When I get angry, I tend to destroy things. pencils,paper,howeworks. Later on I regret it, but at the time I can’t help myself. I have no money in the bank. I’m bashful for no reason.

Fruitpunchhh

2011-01-18T05:57:00.000-08:00

I feel Like coming Undone

2011-01-08T06:28:00.000-08:00

I think it’s time to let you know
The way I feel when you take hold
One single touch from you, I’m gone
Still got the rush when I’m alone
I think it’s time I let you know
Take all of me, I will devote
You set me free, my body’s yours
It feels the best when you’re involved.

So i guess it's time for me to realize how i'm suppose to be prepared for my olevel ,and no its not early to to say so,i already got my art qns paper and im stoned and observing and feeling the vibe from the seniors at the hall really didnt help with anything.Anyways,i love RHCP. Porcelain, Parallel Universe, Under The Bridge, Funky Monks, Rollercoaster Of Love, Californication, Animal Bar, Otherside, Slow Cheetah and Breaking The Girl easily make up my all time top 10 favourites.

Best played on a rainy day with a splash of milk,pringles and a whole lotta lovin’.
I know, what a strange combination.
It’s now 10:34. I should be sleeping now, but here I am, blogging with A Dustland Fairytale by The Killers streaming through my speakers breathing in a fresh cold wind. Today, it’s all about Documents. Hopefully I can stay awake this time. The unintentional shut eye in front of the teacher may not have been one of my best ideas.
Currently still trying to adjust to my tied up hair. Though I have to say, I’m truly growing accustomed to it a lot faster than I’d expected. I’m content.

Okay, time to hit the sack. Chowz!

Schooollls out for summer! NOT

2011-01-03T08:02:00.000-08:00

when everyone is preparing for school tmr ,well here i am blogging:D
yeaps manage to skip school tmr , the fact that i've been around makes me feel all shagg.

I think i've loose a couple of weight while grocery-lifting.Seriously.

KAY IM OFF TOO LAZY .

Im over it.

2011-01-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

"Perhaps we don’t like what we see: our hips, our loss of hair, our shoe size, our dimples, our knuckles too big, our eating habits, our disposition. We have disclosed these things in secret, likes and dislikes, behind doors with locks, our lonely rooms, our messy desks, our empty hearts, our sudden bursts of energy, our sudden bouts of depression. Don’t worry. Put away your mirrors and your beauty magazines and your books on tape. There is someone right here who knows you more than you do, who is making room on the couch, who is fixing a meal, who is putting on your favorite record, who is listening intently to what you have to say, who is standing there with you, face to face, hand to hand, eye to eye, mouth to mouth. There is no space left uncovered. "

Tomorrow, I intend to… Hit the gym, pool, and most importantly, finish up the last chapter of Have alil faith to move on to Anne Frank(once my sis finish with it). But I’d much prefer to finish one before starting another. I’m terrible at multi-tasking. Not that that’s THAT relevant (Unintentional repetition).Just to voice out something that have no relation whatsoever,i realize that my feelings have never been spared by others. Clearly. And I guess despite the rude remarks, verbal abuse or the simple gestures which voice out annoyance that I’ve always preferred honesty to the casual white lie. No matter how brutal someone’s opinion or thought against me could be. But what I can’t stand is feeling like utter shit, whilst someone feels even shittier and resorts to white lies just so I don’t feel like a complete idiot. Thats pretty brutal in its own way don’t you think? I dont find, saying someones a bitch on formspring is mature,i mean serious tell me whos not a bitch at this fucking century? maybe i got the whole bitch defination wrong but ill say whatever it means to me,it means utter bullshit.

People are people,and sometimes we change our minds.

2010-12-21T20:54:00.000-08:00

It seems that 2011 is gonna be different.
Even when it's not even 2011 yet its clear that everythings gonna change whether its good or bad.Yeah,we gonna lose the ones who used to be close , we gonna be close to the ones we hardly know we need.Well thats life.Plus maybe theres a good influence out of all this,you'll never know,Ive made up my mind for a better future,Even it means losing some of friends .I think what really matter most is what you want from your life, you only live once,you only get to decide once,and this is like the "path" that you've been hearing,"choose the "right path" ,it comes clearer to me, there's always a reason why i managed to get promoted. And given two headbanging choices made it clear that i should do whats best for me. And those who stick around even if we hardly spoke i guess theyre the ones who you can depend and trust on. Thats why i dont subscribe to any labels all thos "Bestfriend forever shit" yeah its too pathetic and corny for me,but ill admit i have close friends who will always be there even at times i dont seek for their knowings.
I hate how its obvious whats on someone’s mind, but they prefer to sugar coat whatever you think you know they’re obviously evading just to spare your feelings. Seems like no matter how hard I try, I’m always stuck in this sick, pathetic, enveloping rut that never fades. When I sense happiness hits, it only remains for but a mill a second. Leaving without fair warning. I guess I’m always going to be second best in any given situation. Never the first. The one person I hurt, gave me that chance. And now I’m stuck with this. Happy fucking 2010 to me eh?

Sorry, its been a rough day.

Chalet Festivities.

2010-12-11T07:27:00.000-08:00

When Darkness turns to Light
Today was a blast!,i have to say it was a success to surprise my sister,Eventhough i did'nt sleep the day before,feeling a total zombie.Me and El manage to breath some fresh air and clear our minds near the beach ,We swam afterwards a total no no for anyone who didnt sleep thewhole night,but it was fun,its not like everyday you stay up watching the night turns to day.Inspiring.
Yeah im weird but whatever.I adore the food here,having your own chalet=eat as mucch as you want with no one there judging you XD.Although it be better if he was here,but i bet bali is waaaaaaay better thann some chalet host by me.I really miss him ,pfft,but he be like riggggghhht as if. stonehead.anyways,i got work tomorrow and i feel like skipping but that means less pay for me,sheesh.QASH! get some sleeep !

And I'm Certain that.

2010-12-10T22:12:00.000-08:00

imissyousomuch);

FishNapkins

2010-11-29T01:38:00.000-08:00

Sunkist
L3g1t B_0g

i really got nothing better to do,and i think ive gone whack,since i prefer libraries over home.Plus i regret not following my mum today to go m'sia to visit my aunt and cousins,she said my cousins bringing a tour around the good shopping areas ,fuck.

Anyways i got two days off,monday and tuesday,i cant wait for next week only some of us know,and i really dont know what should i get for my sister,i mean her bday is coming and she already got the fish eye lens for her Diana ,dayum now i really dont know what to get for her.
plus my pay is tmr,i think im not sure ,argh.

I dont know why,but soon after i pay my library fee ,im gonna rent some dvds on foregin films,it seems interesting i dont mind trying to like it.Cause i already find foregin films to be better than some cliche movies but never indie films.Heh

I miss art

2010-11-25T01:37:00.000-08:00

▼The dog is staring and making cute noises▼

2010-11-24T23:26:00.000-08:00

Currently spending my thursday outside,
I figured botanic would be the only resolution to my depressing week, of course, with the inclusion of bad movie marathons and attempts at having peace.Blasting some excessive bass pumping tunes that literally sent my entire laptop into vibration mode. Heh.
well not only that there's this photograph-ing taking place here,and im literally freaked out by the small grandfather dog. His just staring and breathing as though his having asthma or something.But with a cute squeaking noise:D Well glad thats over.

OoO,skies are changing. I think it gonna rain but im not thaat certain cause there,wait now im cetrain i hear thunder dumdum dummm,well i guess i have to cut short and move before it starts raining i guess,ciao:)

Give peace a Chance-Jim Morris

2010-11-22T07:21:00.000-08:00

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are,you trade your reality for a role,you give up your ability to feel and in exchange,you put on a mask and expose yourself to your deepest fears after that fear has no power and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes,you are free.
-Led Zeppelin

Emotionally, I know strength will suffice when yall leave. If this works, all it can ever do is make us stronger and better in every way possible. I've made so many mistakes in the past, all of us have. Of course, more from me... But I know, time heals all wounds. For it certainly has proven so. Whatever it is, you guys are whats left,But I guess thats all I really care about now...
I'm tired of getting others to see my view, my point, my logic, my ideologies.
To comprehend my thoughts, my hectic mind set.
Maybe its best to be reserved.
Best to not be understood.
Redemption from my past mistakes I've been reminded of constantly. The past is the past, I want... no, correction, I WILL move on from it. No matter how hard it tries to provoke my weak mind.

I guess life is never fair,I'll just have to make the most of it.

2010-11-21T23:53:00.000-08:00

We always long for some form of escapism amidst our trying times. I mean, it’s only human to feel lost and defenseless against those who try to bring you down over things you never expected to happen. Hypocrisy, psycho babble, judgmental glares, gnarly comments… An array of actions most insensitive to others. You’d think people would quit while they’re ahead and stay away from whatever’s irrelevant to them, but no, they stick around longer only to emit hate and anger which clearly, our world has more than enough of.
Why can’t people see that I’m only human and I make mistakes too?

Attach like paperclips.

2010-11-12T22:31:00.000-08:00

Eventually it will loose grip and let go.

I keep having the same question flooding my mind,
why should i bother.I hate this feeling never liked it ,even at times when i see a brighter side of this feeling eventually it'll fade. I hate this,this insecurity of mine,thats the reason ive been isolating myself from everyone but as you can see,ive failed doing so.

It's so easy to get too attach to someone whom will eventually leave thats the reason why i will always leave first before they do.
No one gave me a sensical reason to stay anyways.

Ive been around the world

2010-11-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

I think i'm done being afraid ,i mean you can live your life however you want it to be,cause you only live once,thus there's alot of great things that you can do so why just have one passion and stop?
So today the thought of staying at home being all lazy and being a couch potato has yet been replaced ,im gonna skate.it's been awhile i guess,work really have take most of my time,but truthfully i enjoy working the only thing i hate is the customers:)

I havent been able to updatemy blog like seriously,usually it'll be flooded with wordology, but nowits the same oldpost right?,hahhh well im gonna bail on todays post cause i got nothing left to type,sayonara!

Eye eye Captain!

2010-10-28T22:26:00.001-07:00

So far work have been pleasant? i mean despite the fact i have to stand all day at a zero degree-like sanctuary i pretty laid back with the whole work.I know its gonna be tiring and stuff and the longer ill work there the more sick and tired im gonna get but so far its all good:D ohh today Im going to Escape TP,i hope its gonna be fun i mean its been awgile ever since i went there,heh and i hope my fear of some of the rides wont be that bad,but im still saying no to the pirate ship thank you very much ,im not a fan of that ship:P

Day 10: One person you can trust

2010-10-23T03:40:00.000-07:00

Still searching:)

Day 9: Two things you wish you could do

2010-10-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

World peace
No cruelty

Day 8: Three words you can’t go a day without using

2010-10-23T03:37:00.000-07:00

Riiiiiigggght
What the fuck
Annoying shit

Day 7: Four memories you won’t forget

2010-10-18T01:29:00.000-07:00

Bali trip:)
Waterfall (when i was young)
Genting trip
Lets just say the times i felt really happy:)

Day 5: Six songs that you’re addicted to

2010-10-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Lisztomania-Pheonix

Hummingbird heartbeat-Katy Perry

Post Acid-Wavves

Just the way you are-Bruno Mars

You can come home-Jason Castro

Undertow_fray Ft timbaland

Day 4: Seven fears/phobias

2010-10-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

Acrophobia(afraid of heights)
Agliophobia(afraid of pain)
Aichmophobia(afraid of needles or sharp objects)
Brontophobia(fear of lightning and thunder)
Cleisiphobia(being in an enclosed place)
Phasmophobia(Fear of ghost)
Thantophobia(afraid of death)

I have still lots to list but i just dunno what their called:)

Day 3: Eight things that annoy you

2010-10-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

neverending naggings
people that dont get it
getting owned by sisters
not getting a joke
getting annoyed by anyone
not getting to land a trick
having insomnia
my cat' meow(sometimes)

Day 2: Nine things you do everyday

2010-10-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

Play the guitar in the morning
drunk myself with movie marathons
eat whenever i like and never gain
dance like nobody's watching
fight with sister for the stupidest shit
poke my fat cats
play with the neighbours cat
jump around
saying lame things to my sis

Day 1: Ten random facts about yourself

2010-10-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

I like to eat MacD fries with vanilla ice-cream cone.
I literally laugh at the tiniest lamest jokes.
I think wendy's burgers are fattening
i love british accents
i hate the smell of smoke
i have asthma:D
i'm allergic to jelly:(
i say things at random times
im weirdly normal
i have an obese cat

I'm a Believer,My heart is a Phosphor

2010-10-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

10 CHALLENGE

Day 1: Ten random facts about yourself

Day 2: Nine things you do everyday

Day 3: Eight things that annoy you

Day 4: Seven fears/phobias

Day 5: Six songs that you’re addicted to

Day 6: Five things you can’t live without

Day 7: Four memories you won’t forget

Day 8: Three words you can’t go a day without using

Day 9: Two things you wish you could do

Day 10: One person you can trust

I'll try my best .

Flying pink Elephants

2010-10-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Its 2 in the morning and im wide awake,i can do whatever i like~ Feeling a wee bit of T.i
T.T im very dissapointed,after all i did ,my itouch just had to bail on me ,your really troubling me you gadget you! On a lighter note:
im blogging cause i just have nothing better to do,either this or watch repeated movie marathons,today was hanging out with the usuals,chilled with good music,and humour never gets old,ate at wendy"s and i feel a whole lot fatter thankyou very much:) Oh and there's one dude who currently holding on to my watch ask me to blog about him so ,to begin with,he said he's gonna die due to excessive blood loss,well its cute ahaha i mean when he says it ahaha not the dying part ,ahaha and the neighbour having a debate :) nothing new really, oh my watch have a mind of its own! aaaannnnnddd yeahh..im just waiting for my laptop to die,paper heart is really cute i will say (again) Jellyfishbacckside uh! i haveno idea what to say now,IM BORED

Im a mess.

2010-10-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

ARGH! Fuck the existence of insomnia.Why cant i sleep,im tired!but i cant fucking sleep.Fuck this shit right here,im so crampy,and ill be crampy tmr if i dont get no sleep!Goodness i guess im gonna be my sister's alarm clock-.- if i never get to sleep by six that is.To keep me company is my endless movie marathon,some of which i already watch a trazillion times never even make me feel slightly sleepy nor bored.I guess that's what insomnia does to you,i guess.why must this always happen when im in the midst of my holiday?! Well all im gonna do now is ramble with crap in this post like,lets type about last week,My two friends was being followed by a dude,so they called my friend and he ask to follow,so we walk till where they were ,and i was acting all badass mafia gangster shit,ahah well it was fun playing detectives,finding out if he really was following them well he was,but then he realise me and my friend were watching him,ahaha OoOooo It was fun.Not to mention syafiq totally slip and fall while playing tag! ahaha epic day really.Andnot to mention Spin the bottle all truths!Yeahh weirdddd! Hmm so i think ive sum it up well,so this week hopefully i can skate on friday and saturday cause i better recover before i start skating again,i dont need anothe stain of injury hitting me at the same spot 0.o This week was hectic i must say,went out.
OH IM LOOKING FOR A MOTHERF-ING JOB! -.-

Forever and always

2010-10-11T12:48:00.000-07:00